Saturday, February 25, 2012

seven months today

we woke up this morning before 5am. i had to drive my husband to the airport, so he could fly to southern italy to teach for the week. i wish i could have made him take me this time. he's only been home for five days. i need a vacation.

i'm grounded at home with: 2 dogs, 1 cat here, 3 cats at the farm, my 16 year-old son, eight chickens in the yard, one chicken at the farm, seeds sprouting, tiny starts growing under lights. i'm not going anywhere right now.

i have a list of projects to distract me while he's away. today, i've accomplished none.  

i've cried a few times. not torrentially. partly cloudy with cloud bursts?  

undoubtedly the worst event of the week was learning that a close friend had her baby, and seeing pictures of the baby on fb. the baby she told me about the week nathaniel died. the baby was sweet and pink with a head full of dark hair.

i went to bed and wailed because my sweet baby died.

i miss him.

this is a picture of me and nathaniel right after he was born. 

this is a picture of the test announcing that nathaniel was coming! 

this is a picture i drew of nathaniel during our first trimester while i was traveling with my husband. i was trying to imagine what nathaniel might look like. 


  1. These months they just keep coming. Each month gone by just leaves me sad. But we continue to move forward because it is all we can do.

    Missing your Nathaniel with you. Love to you.

  2. Beautiful photo, beautiful drawing. Nathaniel was and is deeply loved!

    I love that you described your level of crying in weather terms. I might have to steal that. Today was light sprinkles with an evening thunderstorm.

  3. Thinking of you and your sweet baby. xo

  4. That is a very precious photo of you and Nathaniel. I like your use of the weather scenario too. I am cloudy and windy with a chance of either sun or thunderstorm. Thinking of you and Nathaniel.xo

  5. This is a beautiful photo. It breaks my heart that Nathaniel isn't still in your arms where he belongs.

    It's been 7 months since my Liam died. Lately there have been scattered showers throughout the day and usually a heavy rainfall just before bedtime.

    Thinking of you and your darling Nathaniel. x

  6. I have a hundred things calling me needing attention and I cannot muster the motivation to deal with any of them... So I'd say it's foggy, heavy and overcast here...

    Nathaniel looks so very cute, from the drawing to the photo.

    It's so hard to witness everyone else getting their happy endings isn't it?

  7. Oh your sweet beautiful boy. So lovely and so very missed.

  8. He's beautiful Suzanne. Thankyou for sharing such a precious photo of your boy. Sorry I'm so late in coming.
    It's dry, dry, dry here. No chance of rain. I feel weatherless, completely. I wish I could connect.
    Birth announcements still sting and they seem to be everywhere right now.
    Missing your Nathaniel with you. x