Monday, November 21, 2011

Words never heard before

There is a time in my life that I have not yet named. I don't even know how to explain it. Once I start trying to explain it, my sentences start to tangle around words and phrases. I don't know what the subject is, I don't know what the predicate is. 

During this time, these are some of the words never heard before:

You know, kids, we don't know what Nathaniel is going to look like when he comes out. He might have malformations that we can see. We know that there are malformations that we can't see without the ultrasound, but it might be obvious to our eyes that he's a sick baby. No matter what he looks like, we're going to love him. Okay?

And then he came out and he was beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.

In what twisted world does this happen?


  1. *this* I understand, Suzanne. We had no idea that Collins had anything wrong. He was perfect and beautiful at birth. And destined to die from something no one knew. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier if he someone looked sick-- if there was something my eyes could see and my mind comprehend. Nathaniel was such a handsome boy-- your profile picture is gorgeous. Sending you love and light, xxo, Nikki

  2. I don't know what killed Holden. I don't know "how" or "why" he died. But I was terrified of what he looked like. I had no idea what that would be. And the first thing I said when I saw him: "He's so beautiful. Oh god, he's so beautiful."

  3. He was beautiful. And I don't know how things like this happen, I can only wish that they did not.